WHEN BIRTHDAYS AND THANKSGIVING COLLIDE
Yesterday was Thanksgiving in the United States and it also happened to be my birthday. “I hope you had a lovely day.” is the usual response when people find out. I wish I could truthfully answer, “Thanks, I had a GREAT day!” and leave it at that, but yesterday my reality was slightly different. So, here’s the long story…
Birthdays in our household start with a pancake breakfast. Normally cooked by me, the substitute chef was hubby on this occasion. I’d prepared the batter the night before but having run out of normal gluten-free flour, I added coconut flour to make up the difference. Any bakers reading this will already know the problem, and for those that don’t, it basically means the pancakes didn’t cook well because the texture is so different. We sorted the problem but delays meant I was late for work.
On the way to work, hubby called to say our son Ben, wouldn’t be going to school, his tummy was sore, could he drop him to me? Then five minutes before he dropped him at work, he rang again, this time to say Ben had vomited, wasn’t it a good thing he wasn’t at school!
Thankfully, my boss is also a mum and was happy for me to continue working from home. In between looking after my vomiting child and trying to get my work project completed, I had a bit of a laugh to myself at how my birthday was turning out.
By evening, hubby had returned, not feeling well himself and after a super busy day, had work deadlines that needed to be met that night. My planned movie night flew right out the window and in the end, we skipped the birthday dinner and bought takeaways. Neither of us were up for cooking. We did however, make sure we sang “Happy Birthday” and lit the candles on the (pre-bought from the supermarket) birthday cake, before putting it back in the fridge to eat when everyone was feeling better.
Ben finished the evening off for me by vomiting (for the first time ever in his life!), on the closed lid of the toilet, flooding the floor. Usually he’s pretty pro at vomiting – he had lots of practice as a baby!
So now you’ve heard my day, how would you expect me respond to, “I hope you had a nice day.” In truth, I did have a great day. But not for the obvious reasons – because there weren’t many. I had a great day because I chose to celebrate progress.
I’ve been learning a lot of late about the power we have to make our own choices. I’m a powerful person when I choose my response instead of allowing circumstances to dictate my reaction.
As I was driving Ben home, I reflected on last year’s birthday – which also didn’t go so well. Last year, I got grumpy and felt unloved and under-appreciated. I realised it happened that way, because I let it. This year didn’t have to be the same. I could choose my emotions and how I responded to the circumstances around me. And that became my personal victory.
Yesterday, I turned my birthday into Thanksgiving and chose to be thankful for my (usually) healthy family. I chose to be grateful for an understanding boss and a job where I can work from home. I chose to value the opportunity to demonstrate love and comfort to my son when he’s feeling sick. I set myself up to work outside to make the most of the sunshine, with my bare feet on the grass, breathing the fresh air – something that can’t be done while working in the office. I chose to be thankful for a husband who works hard for our family and his shareholders while still making time for me. I decided I was still going to watch a movie and snuggle on the sofa even while hubby typed away next to me. I chose to notice all the effort people put into my day to make me feel special and I chose to feel loved – because the truth is that I am. Yesterday, I said no to believing lies and yes to experiencing joy. I chose to be a powerful person and respond positively to my circumstances.
I share this with you to encourage you in your own journey. You are not alone in your struggle; we all have things that don’t come easy to us, things we feel we don't have power over. Yesterday, I won. Other days I haven’t. But I’ve learnt (finally!), my failures don’t determine my future if I don’t let them. They are opportunities to learn and keep moving forward. We can all choose to be powerful people. You have power to choose in the circumstances you face right now. You are a powerful person!
MOVING PAST FEAR
It’s been a while since I last blogged, but with the entrance of a new year, comes a time of reflection. Last year [2014] held some amazingly high mountain top experiences and some devastatingly low valleys to traverse. It was a year for me of great change, both internally and circumstantially.
On Saturday the 6th of December 2014, I graduated with a diploma that took me ten years to complete. I started in 2004 BC (Before Children) and after one false start at finishing in 2008, I could proudly say in June 2014, I’d satisfied the academic requirements for a Diploma in Biblical Studies. That graduation day, as I looked down at my name printed in gold, I realised the diploma signified much more than the academic study I’d undertaken to receive it; what I had discovered about myself over this time period was invaluable. I learned:
I am not a quitter; I have it in me to complete what I start. It would have been much easier to leave my theological study unfinished, relegated to a time in my life when my aspirations were different and my time for education more available. To pick up study again, when my life was full with family and other obligations, demonstrates determination.
Life is a journey and each step is significant. I almost didn't attend my graduation ceremony, as my ultimate desire in academia is a bachelor’s degree. Somehow, a diploma seemed inferior. I realised, however, it’s important to celebrate each step along the way. Just because this particular moment is different to what I’d dreamed about or what I’m hoping for in the future, doesn't make it any less worthy of celebration.
Sometimes it’s best to keep the big picture in mind. I misread one of my assignments and consequently received the worst grade I ever had in my life! Sitting in stunned silence, the cogs eventually started turning again as I tried to figure a way out of this mess. Making mistakes is one thing this recovering perfectionist dislikes above all else! Ultimately though, I decided it would be more fruitful to leave it and make peace with what happened. Through that process, I learned the world doesn't end when I make a mistake. My blip on the academic radar didn't even feature as I graduated; it was eclipsed by the feeling of celebratory accomplishment.
Last year I wrote about my lack of identification with my last name. At graduation, as I looked at my certificate, my surname stood out to me. In light of the above, it dawned on me that my last name carries the essence of who I’m becoming. It denoted a choice when I married and every time my name is written or printed, it marks another choice I've made. In this instance, it was the choice to continue in study, to celebrate the small steps and to keep the big picture in mind.
As I ponder this I realise, that while I still mostly agree with my previous post, it was also the last line of defence in protecting myself. No one likes being wounded, least of all me. To purposefully hold something back of myself (even if it was a name that most people reading this blog already knew) gave me a feeling of maintaining control and keeping readers at a safe distance.
But if this blog is truly about wanting others to shine the light of who they are, truthfully giving themselves as a gift to the world, then I need to be doing that also. Vulnerability is scary but it’s essential to share the real me and it’s essential to sharing the real you. Last year I was inspired to live brave, this year I choose to actually do it. I choose to no longer hide as Anna Jane, but to move past fear and to be unapologetically who I am as Anna Jane Tomsett.
What fear do you need to move past so you can let the light of who you are shine?
FREEDOM IN BEING YOU
I watched Divergent in the weekend and I LOVED it! I’m not a fan of science fiction so I was pleasantly surprised. Throughout the movie are the themes of bravery, overcoming fears and conformity versus non-conformity. It was entertaining but it also got me thinking.
Before I share my thoughts though, here’s a quick synopsis: Tris (the lead character) lives in a world divided by factions based on virtues. When she comes of age she is required to choose where she will align herself for the rest of her life. This choice is supposed to be based on an aptitude test revealing which faction she’s most suited to. However, Tris learns through this test that she’s Divergent, a non-conformist and doesn’t fit nicely in any group. Still a choice has to be made and having been captivated by dauntless (the brave) as a child, she forsakes her parents and faction of birth for a people she feels is more like her.
How many of us feel that we have been boxed into a group about who we are? Or feel we need to conform to fit in? How many of us are tired of it and just want to be ourselves and still be accepted?
There is an overwhelming desire by people at the moment to be authentic and real, not as Brian Gardner of Unfiltered writes, “a staged version of [ourselves] that we tragically spend most of our time creating.”
Tris’ love interest in Divergent says, “I think we’ve made a mistake…we’ve started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don’t want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest [all of the factions].”
We need to engage in a journey of discovering who we really are underneath who we think we should be. We need to be able to embrace our uniqueness and recognise that who we are is a gift to the world. In doing that, we also need to recognise that others are doing the same; we don’t want to box them in or put them down to bolster ourselves but we want to accept them with love and grace acknowledging that they are on the same journey we are.
And like the Divergent quote, I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest. I want to soar on the freedom that being me brings, and I want you to be able to do the same.
WHERE'S MY LAST NAME
You may have noticed that my last name is nowhere on this site. Despite blogging on the worldwide web, I am actually an extremely private person with some details of my life. I kind of felt that I had the potential of staying slightly hidden if I didn't use my surname (not of course from those who already know me).
The second, more important reason why I didn't use my surname though was as follows: When I wrote down the things that made me who I am, I realized that my married name was not one I was born with (obvious I know, but go with me).
Meanings of names are very important to me: Anna means “favor” or “grace” and Jane means “God is gracious”. God has been so incredibly gracious to me throughout my life so far and I'm working on receiving grace while also extending it to other; my names mean something to me. When I was writing down who I was, my married name just didn't seem to fit. I didn't connect with the meaning and I wasn't born with it. Instead of being a part of who I am, I see it as a reflection of the choice I made when I got married (which was a good choice by the way).
Just to be clear, I like my married name; it identifies me with my husband and my children. I just don’t identify with it as part of the essence of who I am. This may seem a little weird to some of you but I’m happy having it as one of my little idiosyncrasies! What little quirks do you have?