LIFE CHANGING MOMENTS
Recently I’ve been thinking about life moments that change the trajectory of your future. Moving to the US was one of those, but there was a moment as a 17 year old teen, almost 22 years ago, that has been coming to mind lately.
For those who know me, even just a little bit, you know I tend to run late. One evening, I was meeting a friend at the movies but I never made it. Instead, I ended up in a wreck on the side of the road.
Snippets of flashback memories are all I have of that night so no-one knows for sure why I ended up in the ditch. I told the first responders I was blinded by someone with their lights on high beam as I rounded the corner. I’m sure I was going fast. The police crash team investigated (these are their photos) but there was no conclusion reached and as I was the only one hurt, I wasn’t charged.
As well as giving me a physical recovery process, this moment kickstarted a spiritual journey of discovery. See, I’d been raised in a Christian home—my grandfather was a pastor—where I’d attended church my entire life. That is until I didn’t, about nine months prior to the accident. There were too many rules and I don’t like being controlled.
My walking away from church was my way to say no to an institution that wasn’t giving me life. I stopped calling myself a Christian — that label was reserved for people who followed the rules — and I chose to explore life through “fun" things like parties, drinking and boys. It was here, in my self-described non-Christian mess, that God showed up in my life in an undeniable way.
The first person on the scene of my accident was a head trauma nurse who attended my parents church. I hung upside down in my car as she administered first aid for half an hour until help arrived. The torn metal of my window frame missed one of the main arteries in my neck by mere millimeters, preventing potentially life draining blood loss. And despite the first responders — who unfortunately attend many of these wrecks — declaring that I had head and chest injuries and wasn’t expected to survive (to my mother of all people!), I did make it. I woke up in the hospital the next morning stitched back together and alive.
I often think about this moment of life or death. Why did I survive? Why are others’ lives not spared also? Or is that not the point? Why, in one of my messiest places, where I wasn’t following the rules and being a “good” girl, did Unconditional Love show up?
One memory I do have from that night is of a paramedic attending to me. As I looked up at her in her white uniform (from what I assume was the stretcher I was on), the light illuminating her blond hair, I asked, “Are you an angel?” Was eternity in my mind in that moment? Was I afraid?
I’ll never know. What I do know is my life wasn’t spared that night to go back to following a set of religious rules. Instead it was an invitation to know who and what love is.
It’s been a journey ever since.
A journey of learning who I am, learning who Jesus is and learning how to navigate the pain and the messiness of life and humanity. There have been many ups and so many downs. I’m learning it’s okay to make mistakes.
I’ve often held back from talking about faith, honestly, because I haven’t wanted to be judged. I don’t want people making assumptions about my values, the way I process life, who I do or don’t, could or could not love based on their own confirmation bias’. However, I’m realizing I have no control over what people think. It’s not my job to police my voice or my behavior to prevent judgement. I believe in love and speaking and acting in love and that has to be enough. I have no desire to be preachy — that’s not my style, nor do I enjoy being preached at (in the negative sense) myself — but I do want to be authentic in the way I express my thoughts.
So there will be more references to faith, to Jesus, to Unconditional Love, and various other names through which I relate to this Supreme Being called God. To exclude Him from my story would be like erasing a main character in a movie resulting in nothing quite making sense.
To each and every person reading this, thank you for what you do or have added to my life, whether this has been over my entire existence, a short time or somewhere in between. Every period of my life has been both fruitful and life-giving as well as providing an opportunity for personal growth. I’m grateful to know you all 🤍
I’m also looking forward to (hopefully!) being more consistent in my writing and thought sharing. Life is too short to live safe and not do the things we love. I love thinking deeply about life and sharing the things I’m thinking about. I welcome your thoughts and responses, as connection and conversation are a beautiful piece of life ✨
